In My Thoughts II
Time has passed from the In My Thoughts I post. I am continuing it with the issues of life that I have encountered…the rest goes with the wind of inspiration that may come.
I have found out that the greatest moments in my life have not measured up to the societal standard that the happy moments should be your greatest. Many are. The real truth is the moments that have marked my path and have geared me towards who I am now are the ones I have failed. Did I fail? The count is endless! If you tell me you have not, I got news you MAY WANT TO. It is through all my failures and discontentment that I have found my joy.
This may not make any sense to the average “I am, wanna be and will be over ALL circumstances perfect gal or guy.” I can talk about them cause I was one . I was not raised with perfectionist drilling. Being the only child, the center of attention, provoked, I think, the need to be acknowledge more than the norm. That in itself was my first failure. My thinking kept organization, dictation of high standards and absolute control the sources of the satisfaction I craved. Oh, how meticulous I was! All in perfect order to the point that the criminal investigator inside me will pop up as soon as I noticed something was not to the expected structure and measurement. You may now be like the cheek blushed emoji thinking, yep that is me. If not, I am glad you are what society may call a normal person at least in this area.
I was just consumed by the constant desire to achieve everything the upscale standard it should be, at least for me. I found myself in constant frustration of never being able to achieve it. The worst one was when I thought I could serve God perfectly. Every time I failed (I blind folded the part that it will happen) frustration embarked me in the most horrible emotional and unstable thunderstorm that one could bear. When I failed I didn’t see God as the forgiving and understanding God. I saw Him as a perfect God who wanted perfect people serving Him with no lower standard than His own. How hurtful was this on my heart. Until one day I questioned myself. My mind was so exhausted of revising everything I did and evaluating every situation to make sure I did things right. I asked, why was I hurting myself with something I could not have control of? Then all came to me.
Failures are inevitable. The is no way around them, but there is a way in between them that leads you to grow. I recognized that I will fail. When you think about how many failures have showed something greater, something deeper, have motivated you to keep on and have eventually make you look back and laugh at the situation you almost died going through then the sense will kick in. It is not my pleasure to fail, but sometimes I am glad I go through it.
In every failure God keeps teaching me lessons about Him. Most importantly, He has made me know more myself. Yes, how can one know itself out of failures? Easy when through them you realize your impossibility of being and doing everything. You then realized your need for God is more heavy in your life that you have realized. It is that way you accept your weaknesses and bring them forth to God and rely on His strength.